Can faith guide us through the tumultuous waves of grief and entrepreneurship? Join me, Sylvia Worsham, as I open up a profound dialogue with my cherished friend, Denise Melanda, a seasoned faith-based coach and the insightful host of “The Coach by God Entrepreneur” podcast. Our friendship, born out of a less-than-ideal mastermind, has flourished thanks to our shared values, leading us to explore the sacred intersection of business and belief. Denise reveals her own journey of fortitude and grace as she navigates the challenges of helping Christian entrepreneurs thrive, emphasizing the divine principle of giving before receiving—a cornerstone of our John Maxwell training. Her story offers a beacon for those seeking purpose amid professional and personal trials.
We also confront the raw emotions tied to grief, sharing how these experiences have tested our resilience and faith. Together, we examine how secular coaching methodologies can harmonize with biblical truths, especially when faced with the daunting transition from traditional business models to the digital realm. In the crucible of loss, Denise and I recount how spiritual practices, like creating a “war room,” have become sanctuaries for releasing anxiety and embracing divine strength. Our discussion underscores the importance of integrating life, business, faith, and technology, as we candidly share our struggles with imposter syndrome and the healing that comes from surrender.
The journey through grief is unpredictable, yet Denise and I have found solace in our faith communities, biblical counseling, and physical activities like pickleball. By maintaining daily routines and relying on prayer, we explore the therapeutic power of movement and mindfulness. As we navigate the delicate balance of professional obligations and personal healing, grace becomes our guiding light. Embracing our shared experiences, we reflect on how grief, if left unchecked, accumulates like interest, reinforcing the necessity of seeking support and aligning our endeavors with divine intentions. Dive into this heartfelt episode to discover the powerful synergy of faith and resilience in life’s most challenging moments.
Transcript:
Speaker 1:
If you’ve ever struggled with fear, doubt or worry and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you. In this show, your host, sylvia Worsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host, sylvia Worsham.
Speaker 2:
Hey, lightbringers, it’s Sylvia Worsham, your host of Released Out Reveal Purpose, and today is my very good friend, Denise Melanda, and she’s in New York, and when she and I met, like what was it? Like two?
Speaker 3:
three years ago. I think so. Yes, we met in a group coaching program, if I remember correctly.
Speaker 2:
Well, he called it a mastermind. It was not a mastermind, because we’re both life coaches and faith-based coaches. We know what a mastermind truly looks like. I was trained by the leadership guru John C Maxwell.
Speaker 2:
The mastermind is really what Napoleon Hill calls the mastermind one. He you know, the mastermind is really what Napoleon Hill calls the mastermind where you’ve got people stepping up to talk and it’s not a group coaching call where this guy was leading it as a group coaching call. He didn’t like for other people to step in and have any say in the discussion, and that’s not a mastermind, that’s a call. And so we bonded over that because we’re both very ethical women that were very turned off by that whole concept and we just decided you know what? There’s a reason why we went on there and paid the money to be on there. We got to meet each other and then we started off this awesome friendship and since then we’ve been friends and now we find ourselves in the same predicament. She is the podcast host of what is the name of your podcast the coach by God entrepreneur.
Speaker 2:
Okay, cause I know you changed the name like twice or something. I thought it had changed so I was like I don’t want to say it wrong, so I’m going to have you introduce yourself. But Denise is a faith-based coach and she leads coaches like myself into these conversations how to be this entrepreneur, faith-based entrepreneur, and lead our businesses that way. And I found a great deal of clarity just in one call with her that she gifted me when we first striked up our friendship, and she was the one that said you know, celia, you got to give more than you receive, and that you start receiving the blessings and the abundance when you give. And that is a concept that was taught to me by the John Maxwell team as well.
Speaker 2:
We gift several masterminds before we actually take money for them, and that opens up our heart to receive in the most abundant way. And so these are the pros of wisdom you’re gonna receive from this call today with Denise, because man, has she a story to tell? She’s been through a rough 2024. We’re gonna get into it in just a minute, but, denise, why don’t you go ahead and tell us a little bit more about how you help faith-based coaches like myself and who you target and your amazing story of transformation through the grief that you’re currently going through.
Speaker 3:
Sure Thanks, sylvia. It’s such a blessing to be here, and I just want to circle back to the conversation about how we first met. There was no coincidence at all, and I do recall that phone conversation that we had. I was standing in my kitchen and I think we were on the phone for quite a while, and then you also blessed me in many ways too, and I don’t even know if you realize it, but I know there was a time when I was having a difficult time really expressing myself on like social media and you called me out every time you saw one of my posts and you’re like that was a great post, denise, but I didn’t really see any of the real Denise in there. So that has stuck with me for the last two years and I swear, sylvia, every time I write something I think of that conversation. So you’re a blessing to me too. So I just want you to know that.
Speaker 2:
Thank you so much for that.
Speaker 3:
So my name is Denise Milianta. I am a certified professional coach, but I am also a consultant, a mentor and a trainer. I kind of combine all the things under one umbrella. And I do work with other faith based Christian entrepreneurs. Sometimes it’s strictly just coaches, but sometimes the Lord will bring other people across my path. So I do work with other service providers as well sometimes, and consultants, but my main person that God sends me are other coaches that are struggling and trying to find or start their businesses. Because the truth is, you had a great training.
Speaker 3:
I received my training from IPEC coaching. It was back in 2008. It was very vigorous, hard course for eight months and I think that was the beginning of when the Lord really started drawing me in was through that coaching and even though it was secular, it was the secular program. But once I started getting closer to the Lord, I realized that everything I was learning back then was based on biblical principles. So I took all of that training and now I use it to glorify God. So I’m also a serial entrepreneur.
Speaker 3:
I’ve had businesses since I was 18. I am not a newbie to business. That is my wheelhouse, that is my my zone and this is what the Lord has me doing. He has me helping other coaches start their businesses because, as great as our training was, I was not prepared for my coaching business. So at the time, I mean, I had an energy management business that I had for like 20 years. I think this year will be 30 years that I’ve had that business and I still run it. So I have a lot of experience in business, always been very successful.
Speaker 3:
But it was so hard to get that coaching business launched and I will be honest with you. For years I said, lord, do you not want me to be a coach? Because this is the hardest thing you know I have to do. So I did go through like two years of trying to find all the right people to help me do this and you know, one person wanted 10 grand for this part. One person wanted 10 grand for that part, or three grand for that, or five grand for that. So the Lord just had me dive deep. I pretty much I had a few mentors, but self taught myself everything that an online entrepreneur needs to know in order to get their business online. It’s a big difference between brick and mortar and being online.
Speaker 3:
So, my previous experience was brick and mortar. So, long story short, all the things that I’ve gone through trying to get my coaching business going, and especially online, is what God used for me to create my Kingdom Empowered Entrepreneur Program, which is a six-month coaching program. I also have a podcast which is called the Coach by God Entrepreneur. It combines. There’s four pillars there’s life, business, faith and tech. So every week I try to do a different segment touching on one of those four pillars, because they’re all connected, right, it’s a synergy that you know you need to be, you need to be grounded, I think, in all four areas, in order for it to be, you know, to go smoothly.
Speaker 3:
So, until you are completely derailed with numerous losses and this is where you and I are, you know, again, no coincidence, walking a similar path. So you know, and let’s just, you know, it’s the elephant in the room, it’s a beast and it’s called grief. And you know, even as coaches, right, like with all the training I’ve received and I did, grief, you know, coaching years ago, because grief is not just the loss of a life, it’s, it’s a loss of anything, it’s, it’s also change, right? Yeah, so I will be honest with you it could, but could have been a little bit of pride, I don’t know. But when I found myself in the thick of grief I was shocked that I wasn’t handling it very well, because you know of my training and going through the you know through through grief counseling many years ago.
Speaker 2:
So yeah, so I can totally relate to that. I you know you feel like an imposter because you’re you’re a coach and you’re supposed to be leading people through these major change and milestones, right. And then you get hit with it directly and you’re like, oh my gosh, how am I going to show up today with all of this inside of me? What I found worked for me in the beginning parts of that grief journey, when I first found out that daddy, was that you know, his tumor was back and there was nothing else that doctors could do. That was August of last year. I just kind of fell at God’s feet. I created my war room. It had been my gift to myself and the war room for those that don’t know is based on a movie.
Speaker 3:
actually, I just watched that movie Sylvia. I just watched that movie last night. What is? Oh, I have such goosebumps right now. I literally just watched that last night.
Speaker 2:
And I told myself you’re going to create your war room, You’re going to put up scripture. You don’t know what you’re doing, because I don’t really know scripture that well. I grew up Catholic but I didn’t really understand the Bible. That’s another podcast.
Speaker 3:
Yes, and I also grew up Catholic.
Speaker 2:
And I just told myself okay, clear out like half of a closet because I can’t do the full closet, it’s too big. And and I just started going in there every day and just bawling my eyes out at five o’clock in the morning, when no one was around me, the start of my day, and I just pray to God like I need you to take all of this imposter syndrome and just take it from me, cause I cannot do my divine purpose, as you’re wanting me to do, with all of this inside of me, cause I’m going to project it, and I don’t want to project it to other people, I just want to leave it to you. I want to give you my anxieties, I want to give you my worries, I want to give you my sadness, my pain, all of it. And the more I did it, whether I felt like it or not, in the end it sustained me and I was able to continue doing my job despite feeling what I was feeling every day. It was like a clean slate. It was just cleansed every single day because it would come at me from different directions and it would just come out of nowhere, which I think both you and I know.
Speaker 2:
That’s how grief is. It just comes out of nowhere. It’s a way and it will take you down. If you let it or if you release it to him every day, he’ll take it from you. He will give you what you need in that moment, whatever it is, and for me it was strength and courage and joy, even like I fought for moments of joy every day because it was so overwhelming. I mean I was facing my greatest fear of losing my daddy. You know I didn’t want to lose my dad, but I knew I was going to lose him. I knew it intuitively, like when the doctor said it. I knew before my brother and my mom or anybody. I felt it in my bones. I was like it’s coming and you better get ready because it’s going to hit hard. It does and it did. It did, and I know your mom went was your first, your friend, right, yeah.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, so thanks for sharing that, sylvia, and and everything you say resonates with me, obviously, because I’m walking through it too. Yeah, so, my friend, she had been battling an addiction with alcohol for many, many, many years and in and out of rehabs and she was just the most beautiful person inside and out and it was just heartbreaking. So she wound up dying in a car accident. I think her heart just gave out and she just drove into a tree. So that was the first one and you know it was a hard loss. You know because you pray for somebody every day. And then you know it was just a shock. Let’s just say that. And with then, with my mom, so that was in August of last year, and then, january 17th of this year, my mom passed away. And my mom was 83. She was elderly. You know we knew her day was going to come soon and I never expected it to come on the day it came right. So, yeah, and so the night before she died she hadn’t been sleeping well and I said, mom, because she lived with me and she had a hard time lying down when she was sleeping. So I said you sleep really well when you’re in the recliner, why don’t you stay in the recliner, I’ll sleep on the couch, we’ll just have like a camp out, you know tonight, in the living room. So we did that, it was great, she had the best night’s sleep. And in the living room. So so we had, we did that and it was great, she had the best night’s sleep. And then the next day she seemed to have a little more energy. She wasn’t as lethargic as she normally was, and we had talked her into allowing me to get palliative care to come in the house. You know that I would make the call the next day. So, you know, I just didn’t have to burden her by getting her in the car and taking her to all her doctor appointments. So you know, I didn’t have to burden her by getting her in the car and taking her to all her doctor appointments. So so that was a battle in itself. And then it was.
Speaker 3:
My mom was a night owl. She was a TV buff, so it was like around 745 the next night. She’s like I think I’m going to go into my room and I was like, oh, that’s really weird, mom, you know. And she says I’m tired, you’re tired and sorry, that’s really weird, mom, you know, and she says I’m tired, you’re tired. And I think she knew Sylvia, you know, and I I’m so mad at myself for not recognizing it at that very moment.
Speaker 3:
That cause, my mom was very strong, you know, independent woman, she was old school, you know, irish Catholic from the Bronx. Like, this woman was a bad, you know what, you know she’s a tough cookie. So, anyway, so I put her to bed, you know, she was fine, and I kind of felt it in my spirit that night that you know it was, it was getting closer. So I woke up the next morning, I did my regular routine, got up, walked down the hall, went into her room to make sure she was okay and she had passed during the night. So I found her, you know, you know she had, she had passed and was like, why didn’t you wake me up? Why didn’t you, you know, prompt me to get up and go in there and be with her? I would have sat vigil with her, I would have sat there the whole night, you know.
Speaker 3:
So the first thing that I experienced was anger. I was so mad at, I was so mad at God, you know like, as if he owed me anything, you know like. But I was so mad at him and you know like, as if he owed me anything, you know like. But I was so mad at him and you know, even though you know she was elderly and we expected her to go at some point, I was never prepared, sylvia, for the magnitude of the grief.
Speaker 3:
It literally knocked me off my feet. Knocked me off my feet, it was. I found myself gasping for air, I was having panic attacks, I couldn’t the brain fog like I couldn’t think. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t talk, like I was just like, I guess, in shell shock, you know. So, lo and behold, you know God in all of his mercy and all of the people that came around me and and you know, thank God, I already have a very close relationship with the Lord he sustained me, he got me through it and one of the things I’ve learned about grief, sylvia, is never try to rush it, because it looks different for each one of us and you got to let it take. You it’s, it’s the grief is going to determine the journey. We don’t get to determine it. It’s very bizarre.
Speaker 3:
It’s very difficult for people like us. I don’t know about you. I’m type A personality. I’m a little bit of a control freak, you know, when it comes to having my life and my ducks in a row.
Speaker 1:
You know, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:
So I’ve learned, like you know, I’m just going to, I’m going to become submissive to the grief, as bizarre as that sounds. So I did that and it were right around the six month mark and I started coming around. I was like just over the hump and my sister passed away after a two year battle of cancer. To this day they don’t even know what it was. It was the most bizarre case of cancer, which was unexpected because you know we didn’t think it was going to happen. You know as bad as it was. I guess maybe we did know it was going to happen, but you know it was just a hot mess.
Speaker 2:
I mean it kind of like my aunt’s death at the beginning of the year caught us all off guard because we thought she had gotten over the hump of the of the cancer and, like I told you, before the call even started, we didn’t know she. She knew she was dying. She didn’t tell anybody because she knew that we were going through my father’s death like eventual death. And the Christmas that she came to say goodbye she wanted to leave us all with hope and love.
Speaker 3:
And a good memory.
Speaker 2:
And a good memory and didn’t want to bring everybody down on her behalf. From from her perspective Talk about selfless, right? Oh my gosh, she was like the most amazing person ever and, like I said, she was like my, my older sister, my second mom, the one that I had on backup. You know, for when my mom died, and now I’m like and now who’s it going to be? You know, you know, for when my mom died, and now I’m like and now who’s it going to be? You know, so I totally get your journey. You’re right, grief determines it. And, yes, I am like you, and I do think that this is the reason why God put us together is because we’re both journeying through it. We’re both gaining wisdom as we journey through it and we share that wisdom with each other, and it’s that key that we’re, that’s that answered prayer, that thing we’ve been searching for, and we do it in a way that’s so compassionate and so loving towards each other, because we don’t compete with each other. I’ve never seen you as competent, ever.
Speaker 3:
Never, and neither do I see you.
Speaker 2:
An extension of what I do and from a much higher level, because you’ve gained so much wisdom from being out in the coaching world way longer than I have and because you journeyed longer than I have, you have more wisdom to give me and all I do is learn from you and be better and just and I think, from the faith perspective, because I went through my father’s like like long goodbye I learned so much about grief and about just submitting to God, and why you saw the war room yesterday was no coincidence.
Speaker 3:
Oh no, not at all.
Speaker 2:
Not at all Because I have my war room downstairs. I’m like literally above it. My office is above the war room. I love that. You know we stand on our faith, Amen.
Speaker 1:
Amen, there’s nowhere else to go.
Speaker 2:
There’s nowhere else to go. He will guide us out of that horrible chapter. And it’s awful Like it just sucks to go through grief, but it also is so rewarding because then you see how God shows up for you every day and it just builds that trust and so, no matter what you face after these chapters I mean you’ve already gone through the worst year right now of your life and you’re still standing up and you’re still showing up and you’re still doing your divine purpose.
Speaker 3:
Oh, my gosh, sylvia. So you know, the scripture that just came to mind is you know, in ecclesiastics there’s a season for everything, there’s a season for mourning, right. And I remember being on my knees, prostate, crying out to God, and I said, lord, I know this is just a season, but if you could just get me through this really fast season, but if you could just get me through this really fast, I’d be so grateful. And then, when my sister died, it was like a reset back to month one with the grief, and I’ll be honest with you, I cried out to God. I said I know I can’t do this by myself. I, I, you have to tell me who to connect with, or what he did. He connected me with an amazing biblical counselor. It was like I, I, I just am amazed, although not surprised, by God’s grace, the people he brings into our life. Right, this woman is so anointed and, honestly, like I, I, I was, I don’t want to say it was fine, but she, god, used her to prevent me from going back to ground zero, so to speak, and resetting the clock, cause they do say it’s like the first six months of grief is really hard, like I don’t know about you. But, like the, I didn’t even want to think about work. Right, I have my coaching business, I have my podcast, I also have a full-time job, a high profile position, out of the mayor’s office in our city. So I, you know, I got. I’m a single mom. You know I have a daughter in college. So, like you know, typically and I’m it’s only by the grace of God it was always very easy for me to balance all these things Right.
Speaker 3:
But now, all of a sudden, I’m like I can’t even get myself out of bed, nevermind Think about things. And I just begged God. I said cause? I made a promise to God because my podcast is new. I started it last year, you know, the beginning of the year. I promised him I would do 52 straight weeks and then he can tell me where we’re going from there. Are we continuing or are we taking another pivot? But I promised him I would show up for 52 weeks and every weekend I’d be like God, I don’t want to break my promise to you. Please tell me what the podcast is going to be, let me get it done.
Speaker 3:
And then it’s funny, because usually I have a nice handful of clients that I’m working on. I kind of take a pocket a handful of clients, get them through their journey and then I’ll take on another group of clients. It’s individual, but for some reason I only had one client at that time and I think God knew what he was doing, like he always does, and it happened to be another faith-based entrepreneur and I prayed I mean I pray all the time before my coaching sessions, I’m sure, like you do, sylvia, but I begged God. I said I cannot think straight, like I don’t like talk about being pregnant, how like you are so like foggy, like you couldn’t even like get a thought out. I experienced that with grief. I don’t know if you did, but I was so so brain fog, so you know fog.
Speaker 2:
So, you know, I put stuff in the pantry and I was like that doesn’t belong there, Like crazy shit, like stuff that didn’t make sense. I’m like oh my gosh. And then I couldn’t remember how I had gotten from point A to point B.
Speaker 3:
Oh my God, I read an article once that said you shouldn’t even drive at first. So I remember one time, sylvia, I was driving in the car and all of a sudden I’m like am I in the right lane? What lane should I be in? Am I supposed to be in the left lane, the right lane and same thing with you? I couldn’t remember.
Speaker 2:
I’ve known my whole life that I can recount, I couldn’t remember and I would sit there and go oh my God, am I getting dementia Like my dad? Like, oh my gosh, like you know what is this?
Speaker 3:
Am I going crazy on you?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, like crazy stuff, and and it doesn’t go linear in that you know how sometimes they say the stages, like anger first and then uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no for me it was like all over the place.
Speaker 2:
It was despair like was like a big one. For me not as much, but then I would get angry about the stupidest stuff and then I thought, well, maybe this is the grief showing up and projecting. I don’t know. There was only one time I really felt angry and it was the day daddy died. And it was the way he was dying he was choking to death on his limb and it was just. It was so devastating to watch.
Speaker 2:
And there we were, all of us in, just the five of us, like the original five, were in the room, with the caretakers of course, but but we were all working together to help and get comfortable, you know, with with the morphine and just everything that end of life, you know, entails like hospice care, and I remember it was. I mean, I can still close my eyes and hear him like having a hard time, like breathing, and I remember my brother, the doctor on the case, saying hey, take mom out. Mom was like at the foot of the bed and she was just like trembling and I grabbed her from from the elbows and I’m a little bit taller than my mom and I was pretty lady, feisty, very feisty, and I was like okay, mexican woman, we’re gonna move you out of here. And my sister was in the room and the three women left the room and in that moment is when he passed away. He was waiting for his women to leave.
Speaker 2:
Oh gosh so that he could take his final bow and mom was angry with god in that moment and I was trying to get my mom out of that anger.
Speaker 2:
You know as the oldest I was trying to fix everything, and I think I’m a fixer like really seriously and and I could see the caretaker right here and she was like trying to motion me and I was like wait, because my mom was really upset and she’s like he doesn’t deserve this. He’s been a man of you know, like he’s given his life for this country and and as a doctor and and she was so angry with him and I was like mama, we made choices that put daddy in this spot, you know. I mean like we kept giving him water when his body was shutting down, so he’s choking on the water we were giving him, you know. So I was trying to kind of like there’s free will here, you know, and the logic and the emotion and the anger and and then all of a sudden, if it makes sense, none of it makes sense.
Speaker 2:
It really doesn’t and then my brother saying mom, you need to get back in the room now and and and when we walked in, he’s like he’s, he’s gone. I’m so sorry. It was so quick. And in that moment, as his soul is leaving, my phone rings and it was on high because I didn’t want to miss phone calls from the funeral home and from different things. I was coordinating everything funeral home and from different things. I was coordinating everything and, um, it was my husband calling. They were going to church, it was father’s day. I didn’t realize that was on speakerphone and I just said I can’t talk right now.
Speaker 2:
Daddy just passed away and and my daughter, like, lost it she’s nine and she’s like I didn’t get to say goodbye and I said oh, but you did, because he was waiting, like a total gentleman, for his cachetona de oro, which is the way he would call my, my daughter. That in spanish means my golden cheeks. Now I’m waiting for his golden cheeks to call to say goodbye, you know. And I, and I told, I told my daughter, I said but he did, honey, he, his soul was transitioning into heaven and you called in that moment.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
He was waiting for your phone call so he could leave and say goodbye, and it was just so precious. It was so hard to um to see such a big man dwindle into nothing. Yeah, you know, um, I go back to how you talked about your mom and how she went. I think your mother knew she was dying and she didn’t want you to see that she didn’t. She knew what it would do to you and God knew too. You know, god knows our heart. He knows I debated whether I wanted to be in the room or not when my daddy finally took his last breath.
Speaker 2:
Then, at one o’clock in the morning of the day he died, I walked into his room because he, he was separate from everybody else and he was barely breathing. You know he was holding on like a big. You know he always his tenacity was something to really model. I mean, he, he really defied all odds. Um, people really shocked. He had lasted as long as he did.
Speaker 2:
I wasn’t because I knew my father and I’d grown up with him and I’m the same way. So I remember sitting there and saying happy father’s day, daddy. You know, thank you for everything you did. I like that shallow breath. That is the most horrible breath to hear, because you don’t know when will be their last.
Speaker 2:
And I said but daddy, it’s time to go you, your time here is done and you really need to let go. And I I promise you mom is okay, I’m gonna make sure she is, you don’t have to worry anymore. You know, and that was my last conversation with my father before he passed away and I knew he could hear me because, as doctors and coming from a family of doctors and we’ve read books, I’ve read multiple books on near-death experiences, people that have physically, clinically died and gone to heaven, they can hear everything. So I know my father heard me. You know God does not give us what we cannot handle, true? And so I let go of that anger pretty quickly of how everything went down, because it does us no good. No, it keeps us stuck. It just keeps us in that state of bitterness and resentment.
Speaker 3:
Sylvia, thank you for sharing all of that we cannot.
Speaker 2:
We cannot put one foot in front of the other carrying all that. We just can’t. We can’t, no, so it’s. It’s helpful. Now, hopefully, you’ll create your war room and you’re in your yeah, in your house, I know, so you know.
Speaker 3:
It’s so funny because when I was watching the movie I was like, oh, I need a, I need a closet, and but like my bedroom is kind of has always been my war room, you.
Speaker 3:
You know I have my binder and my notebooks, all this stuff, so I’m thinking about clearing out half my closet for a war room because I was just so touched by that movie and I just want to back up and say, sylvia, I love your heart, like thank you for sharing your story because, you know, if any of your listeners are walking through grief like we did, they need to know that they’re going to get through it right, like it’s.
Speaker 3:
It’s a season, um, and like you said before being I, for me personally, I had to submit to the grief, but most importantly, you know, is that submitted to god, like to let him do what he, whatever work he needed to do through me during this time, to do it, and he’s faithful. You know, like, as I started saying before, I would pray before the call, and every time I pray before the call, even though, because I had a commitment I, this person, paid me, I had to show up weekly, regardless of what life circumstances were, and I know it’s only by the grace of God that I was able to do that, because I couldn’t do it on my own. I just physically, emotionally, mentally and physically. And that brings me to another thing how bad did your body hurt when you’re going through grief? I mean my, I was so sore, like my body physically ate, you know it.
Speaker 2:
I sobbed a lot and and the sobbing, I think, relax me more than hurt me. It was weird because I mean I would just like ball in that war room alone without, like you know, my husband or my child. I didn’t want my children to see too much. I wanted them to see some because you don’t want to hide that yeah. You don’t want to hide that, you want to talk about it and you want to address it. Gone are those years of our parents hiding everything from us. It doesn’t do us any good.
Speaker 3:
No it actually makes things worse.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and so I’ve talked to my kids a lot about it. But I also know there’s a balance to it, and so I would just saw him and it was kind of like you know how they tell you to like tighten up your muscles and then relax them. That’s what it felt like for me and it really helped me a lot. And then I played a lot of pickleball. You know a lot of that tension and, and you know it feels awesome to hit the crud out of a ball, you know cause. Then you can release all that anger, whatever you’re holding inside of you in a good way, right, right, and then tone your body along with it. So I haven’t really experienced the the hurt like the physical hurt.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, at least everything helped me do that.
Speaker 2:
Maybe that’s why you saw it, and then you, and then, since I have a room yeah, probably your space to just release all of whatever it is you’re holding currently inside of you.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I agree with you. There’s no coincidences ever, you know. So, yeah, no coincidences, right.
Speaker 2:
No, and here’s the thing I mean you talked a lot about how you just kept going because your client didn’t have anything to do with what was happening in your life. Tell us a little bit more about what were those baby steps you took every day to show up for your client.
Speaker 3:
What were those baby steps you took every day to show up for your client? Always, always, always, started my day with the Lord. Some days it was all I could get out of my mouth was maybe 15 minutes. Other days I’d be sit before the Lord for two hours. You know I, I I’ve always been a resilient person. It’s who God created me to be. I, I’m a fighter, you know, um, and I knew that I had to push through things. But you know what I did do, sylvia.
Speaker 3:
I was very honest with my client, very honest, and I, I let him know that. You know very honest and I, I let him know that you know there’s going to be days where I’m not showing up to my full capacity and that I promised regardless of you know my journey with my grief that I would give him everything that I promised to give him. I said I will and I was very transparent. I said it might take a little longer than we anticipated, I said, but you know I will serve you with excellence. So I would say the first step is being transparent, right, letting people know where you’re coming from and what’s going on. You know they don’t need to know every you know detail, but for me it was important to let him know that I wasn’t going to come up and I wasn’t going to show up and pretend that I was okay because I wasn’t okay, and that I was going to show up the best I could each time. And he was very merciful, you know a man of faith, and he would said Listen, denise, if there’s ever a moment that you can’t do it, just text me and we’ll reschedule. So you know that in itself was a blessing from God. You know, like God, as I mentioned before, for some reason I only had one client at the time and it just turned out. You know, most of my clients are all believers, right? So occasionally I do coach somebody who’s not, but you know it helped that he was a man of faith and understood. You know where I was coming from and he, he was very gracious, right.
Speaker 3:
So so the steps are, you know, be honest with yourself, be honest with other people. For me it was just I gave myself a lot of grace to Sylvia, and I think that’s important too. You know, if I couldn’t do something, I didn’t beat myself up over it, which is what I would usually do, you know. I would pound my, you know, myself with thoughts of like, you can’t believe you didn’t do it, you’ll drop the ball, you know. So you got to give yourself grace too, and also you got to extend that grace to everybody else in your family, because they’re all going through the same thing as well. Right, we’re not just doing it by ourselves.
Speaker 3:
So, you know, I’m blessed that I have another sister and I have, you know, other family members where you know I could reach out to, and god’s blessed me with amazing sisterhood, with some of my friends from church and even like yourself, sylvia, you know so. And then I did seek help. I did get the biblical. I did work with a biblical counselor who was amazing. And and what? What was good about that, sylvia, was we didn’t just talk about grief, it was healing and relationships, my body, my health and wellness. It was like a full, it was like a full package, you know. So, so learn. I think it’s also important not to be afraid to ask for help.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 3:
Right Cause you know we, we’re faith warriors, we’re prayer warriors, but you know what we’re. We’re human beings and but we’re human beings and we’re not meant to do these things alone. So, yeah, just my biggest takeaway from all of that and to your listeners is you know, just accept it. And one of the things I learned, sylvia, is, if you ignore the grief and pretend that it doesn’t happen, it’s almost like interest compounded daily interest. It’s going to show up. It’s going to show up in two interest it’s going to show up. It’s going to show up in two years. It’s going to show up in 10 years. It’s going to show up in 20 years.
Speaker 2:
Fill into your relationships and really I joined a grief share program.
Speaker 3:
I went to church.
Speaker 2:
And I really enjoy it because it’s community people going through major grief together and we share, we cry, we laugh, we joke, we go through all the emotions that grief provides, because grief is an enormous expression of love that we had for our loved ones and they don’t.
Speaker 2:
That love never leaves us, ever. It’s in our memories, it’s in it’s in our children’s eyes because they they look like our loved ones. It’s everywhere and, like you said, the earlier we can ask for help and the more grace we can give ourselves and and just be honest with ourselves about what we’re going through, it really does help the simplest of things. But people often forget those simple things, the honesty and the grace part of it, because we’re so focused on do, do, do, do, do, do. We forget we don’t want to be, be, be, be, be sad or lonely or whatever, but in not being, we’re losing out big time on what, how, god needs to equip us for what’s coming next and I really love the pros of wisdom you’ve shared for those that are going to be listening to this interview, that are currently going through a dark chapter of grief, it will help them immensely, I know, in terms of your divine purpose, do you think you’re in it now, or do you think this is a seasonal thing for you?
Speaker 3:
That’s a great question, Sylvia, and this is what I’ve been in prayer about with the Lord. This is what I’ve been in prayer about with the Lord. So you know, I’ve had my business for many years and I think it’s just part of my DNA and I don’t feel like he’s he’s telling me to lie the business and down. You know, I don’t, I don’t have confirmation yet, as as as far as the podcast goes, and if I do keep the podcast, you podcast what is the main purpose of the podcast? So I’m still. I’m in the waiting room.
Speaker 2:
I love it, and you know he’s the 1159 God right. And so, for your type A out there, patience is truly a virtue, don’t?
Speaker 3:
ever pray for patience, and he will stretch that for you. I’ve learned not to pray for patience because you’ll be surprised what God throws at you. I don’t pray for patience anymore.
Speaker 2:
He throws more and more opportunities to be patient. I was like no, thank you, yes, until you pass the test. Yeah, don’t pray, I know it sounds terrible.
Speaker 3:
Do not pray for patients.
Speaker 2:
Well, even having this, Any last words of wisdom that you want to share with the listeners of Release, doubt, reveal Purpose.
Speaker 3:
Sylvia, you know, at church the pastor always starts by saying you know it’s okay not to be okay, and I love that right. Saying you know it’s okay not to be okay, and I love that Right. So you know, I want your listeners to know that too. Like you know, there’s no promises that, because we are women of faith or men of faith, that we’re going to have an easy life and you know, we can be abundant and still experience joy while going through all of the tough times. And that’s one of the things that helped me get over my grief too was, instead of looking at my loss and my sadness, I looked at it as the gain my mother and my sister experienced, because they have no more pain, they’re in the room with Jesus, right, they’re literally in the room with Jesus and they’re experiencing joy.
Speaker 3:
So when I find myself because the enemy is going to want to bring you right back down to that pit of despair and I just always try to remember that I feel I’m full of joy because I know where they are and and it’s it’s not the end I will see them again. So you know everything is perspective and you know that’s another whole podcast. Right, is training our thoughts. Right, we can have a conversation about that someday. But you know, just, just let just it’s a, it’s a, it’s a journey and just embrace it. Embrace it with grace, just grace.
Speaker 2:
That’s amazing. Thank you so much, denise, for joining us today and for the listeners of Release, doubt Reveal Purpose, I hope you’ve gained as much wisdom as I’ve gained just from listening to your experiences, denise, because you’re a whole source of wisdom for me and I’m just so grateful that you agreed to this interview to sit down and just be vulnerable and give yourself as much grace as you have during our time today and for the rest of the listeners, remember Matthew 514, be the light. Have a wonderful week, stay safe. Love y’all. Bye now.
Speaker 3:
Thank you.
Speaker 1:
So that’s it for today’s episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose. Head on over iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes We’ll win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself. Be sure to head on over to ReleasedOutRevealPurposePodcastcom and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift and join us on the next episode.