This episode explores the healing journey from bullying through compassion and understanding. Sylvia shares her personal story, diving into the importance of recognizing harmful belief systems and the path towards forgiveness.
• Discussion on personal experiences with bullying
• The emotional impact of negative belief systems
• Strategies for cultivating compassion towards aggressors
• Insights from therapy and the importance of self-worth
• Steps for releasing past pain and embracing forgiveness
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Transcript:
Speaker 1:
If you’ve ever struggled with fear, doubt or worry and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you. In this show, your host, sylvia Worsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host, sylvia Worsham.
Speaker 2:
Hey, lightbringers, it’s Sylvia Worsham. Welcome to Released Out Revealed Purpose. In this episode. We’re going to be talking about the value of having compassion for those that have hurt you in your past, and I have been, as most people know, going to individual therapy, and I started doing the therapy because I wanted to discover and identify the belief systems that developed during those traumatic years of my high school years when I was bullied extensively for four years straight. It was emotional torture. I have carried all of this within me for the last I don’t know I’m 50 now, so more than 30 years and it has really impacted the way I have had relationships with others and what I believe to be true about myself and the lies I believe for so long. And so I really wanted to unpack this in this episode of how getting the healing that you need can actually move you towards pleasure, in that it moves you towards having compassion for your enemies and forgiving them and releasing yourself from the hold that these negative belief systems have had in your life. And so, just to unpack this, I’m just going to go through some of the painful chapters so that there is some relatability here.
Speaker 2:
My bullying started in ninth grade. My best friend from seventh and eighth grade kind of turned on me and got involved with a group of mean girls that would use me as emotional target practice every single day and it was taunts and ridicule and whispering behind your back and not including you in conversations and not letting you be part of a group. And it persisted from freshman year to senior year. And there is one incident that I can recall from those years with these main girls where we were out in doing physical education. We went to a Catholic high school and this was my junior year. At that time I was a cross-country runner, I was a tennis player, I was a big-time athlete and despite having these skill sets I was still targeted and really killed. So it didn’t matter. You know, I was just kind of like in the background and we were outside. I remember it was really hot that day and our uniforms were this white shirt that kind of looked semi-transparent, with a red lining. I can still see it, and I saw Steve Joseph Academy on the side and I remember getting caught somewhere outside. Everybody had already kind of was walking back to the lockers and these four had cornered me and right next to me was who was once my best friend and they said we’re going to pour water all over you because we want you to be embarrassed and we want you to. And I remember seeing them and what they didn’t realize was that I was going to be able to get away from them. I was highly skilled at this, so I ran away and it was the last straw for me I had. I had had it, it’d been too many years of this and I went to administration and told them what was happening and then I became the snitch which was even more torture coming at me. But I stood up for myself that one time and I was proud of myself.
Speaker 2:
But it carried within me all these belief systems as it related to my relationships. Right, I felt I had to achieve in order to fit in. I needed to be exceptional in other areas. So it kind of helped me to survive those years. What ended up happening was that it impacted my relationships even today. Like I felt I had to earn my relationships with others. I had to do these grand gestures of kindness just to be accepted and included. And when it didn’t happen, like when I didn’t have reciprocity of what I was giving, I felt wounded and it started to inform in the way I was relating to others, and then my daughter started to experience some bullying and it all came rushing back and that’s what prompted me to go into individual therapy, because I didn’t want my wound to inform the way I was parenting her. I wanted to be healed from all that right and some of the belief systems that I’ve identified in therapy and I’ve identified as I’ve been going through these trainings at Gateway North to be able to minister to others has been exceptionally like clarifying for me.
Speaker 2:
I have identified a couple of belief systems that I know now are lies. Right One is I need to earn my way into my relationships. I have to do all these things to be accepted. That’s simply not true anymore. I’m not accepted by others, I’m excluded, I don’t have any value, I’m not enough, I’m not good enough and that’s why they don’t want me to be part of their groups. Things like that that were really, really hurtful to me. So the very first thing I did was I I identified those lies and I named them, you know, and I was able to tell them that they’re not their lies and these things are not true, and I in essence wrote to myself like why that’s not true today, and I wrote about all the groups I’m part of and why I’m part of those groups and how included I feel in those groups, and so that’s simply not true. Right, and in terms of my value, what has been very enlightening recently has been reading something in Romans that basically talks about the value I have just by being God’s child, that I’m already valuable, because he told me.
Speaker 2:
And when you believe that about yourself, when you start to really find your identity in Christ, you will find that some of these lies that you’ve been believing can be debunked very, very quickly by what you believe about yourself in Christ and through his work in scripture. Right, and the more you read scripture and the more you understand God’s character and why he wants to have a relationship with you and why you’re so special to him and why he has gifted you and the way he has gifted you, you will start to see your value inwardly because you see your value exists inside of you. It, it, it does not exist outside of you. It does not exist in your relationships or in your achievements or in, you know, your social media followers. It doesn’t exist anywhere else but inside of you, and that’s where the treasure. You hold a very special treasure inside of you when you believe in Christ and you truly believe everything he said and you go back into your life and you reflect on all those beautiful moments where he came through for you. There’s no denying right, that value right. So that’s step two identifying and then also understanding your value in Christ.
Speaker 2:
And the third and final thing that I wanted to share with y’all is, in doing all of these things, putting myself through, understanding how my mind was working against me and debunking all of that and kind of shifting, and almost not so much much shifting, but empowering my ego, which is what I discuss a lot in in faith I thrive. In the first six chapters I share with you how some of these traumatic emotional events kind of create this doubt and this fear in us and why we operate from as fear is our main motivator, and how we can shift that and empower the ego, because ego is not the problem, ego is our self-image. So you have to ask yourself what is my self-image comprised of? Are these doubts and fear-based beliefs, or are they these loving beliefs that I am in fact valuable? I don’t need to prove to anyone how valuable I am in order to be included. That’s ridiculous, right. What I have also found is that God has been sending me visions as I’ve been doing the work and staying obedient to his following or to his guidance, and I’ve seen how I once was in high school and viewing it through the lens of my beliefs, viewing it from their perspective. It’s been very interesting what he’s been doing in the last couple of weeks and when I started to see it from their perspective, I started to have more compassion for them and I wanted to share some of the things that I have realized in these last couple of weeks, things that have been very powerful to share.
Speaker 2:
So the main bully had a dad who left them for another woman, dad who left them for another woman. She didn’t have a disability I had. I had the stability of having an amazing dad who adored my mother, who may not have been super affectionate because he wasn’t. My dad wasn’t. He wasn’t super affectionate, but he was someone that loved very deeply and protected very deeply his family. I was very lucky to have him and today, interestingly enough, is March 4th. As I’m doing this recording is my parents’ wedding anniversary. Well, it would have been their 57th no 56th or 57th wedding anniversary?
Speaker 2:
We’re married in 68. Where are we 25,? So 57 years anniversary. We’re married in 68. Where are we 25. So 57 years? Imagine that. 57 years of being married to the same person. That was a lot of love.
Speaker 2:
My main bully didn’t have that. She had dysfunction in their home. Instability Doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make it right to bully another kid just because you have a miserable home life. I’m not saying that, but it’s increasing my compassion towards her.
Speaker 2:
Another bully the four girls that I described was being beaten up by her boyfriend during those years. I didn’t know it. I found out much years later, right, so imagine the instability I didn’t have that. I didn’t have a boyfriend for starters, though, but I didn’t have someone that was doing that to me so I could have more compassion for them.
Speaker 2:
I can’t speak to the third bully because I don’t really know anything about her, but my, the one that had been my best friend, was really the one that I felt the most betrayed by, and she came from a family that I mean. She really didn’t know who she was. She, her identity, was all over the place, and after that four years of torture she actually called me up and said, hey, I want to apologize, which to me was a little bit convenient, having, like, had the four years of torture and that now that she was out of that space, then she felt good to be able to come back and say, hey, I’m sorry, that’s between her and God. In all honesty, I wouldn’t want to be here. You know someone that betrayed a friend, you know. So have compassion for them. Right, and having compassion for them, being able to view it from their lens and what was happening in their life, helped me to start forgiving and releasing all of that to Christ, which has been so freeing for me, because some of these things that are informing my mind and my parenting are no longer having that power over me. Right, I’m not getting triggered as much anymore and I’m very grateful to the therapy I’m receiving, because I’m receiving EMDR therapy and that actually desynthesizes a lot of the emotion, like highly triggering emotion, that comes about with all these lives that we’ve been believing about ourselves. So have compassion, try to view it from their lens and try to understand the role you play in these situations.
Speaker 2:
Right, I was someone that was highly emotional in those years. I was someone who was very angry and I had a lot of stuff stuck inside of me and I’m sure I made it very easy for people to target me. I was someone who wasn’t afraid of sharing my very controversial views on football, so I can’t imagine I didn’t make much friends doing that, right? I was an older soul, right? Not that it excuses how they treated me, because there’s no excuse for that. Bullying is wrong. End of story.
Speaker 2:
I’m not excusing it, but I am sharing with you how I am moving through this period of life in order to free myself from these lies, the shackles that comes with these lies, right. The way I’ve sabotaged myself over time. I’ve not created these healthy boundaries, and so I feel much freer and much lighter nowadays than I did a couple weeks back. Just to kind of share some perspective. It doesn’t need to take years, guys. It just needs for you to start doing it today and start identifying what those lies are and shifting them, really reframing them in your mind, right, and it leads to this amazing forgiveness. Amazing forgiveness, peace of that you are gifting yourself. You’re gifting yourself because here’s the clincher you light and dark cannot coexist joyfully inside of you. Fear and love cannot coexist. Fear will always win, it will try to trump out, and your mind’s programming will do its best to keep you stuck in these inner loops.
Speaker 2:
So one of the things that I highly recommend the listeners of Release, stout and Moodle Purpose to do, especially if you find yourself in these very dark chapters, is number one turn to God during this time of change in your life. Rely on his guidance, and not his light and not his scripture, because you will find the answers there. You’re not going to find them outside of yourself. I can tell you right now it’s a waste of your time. Okay, don’t encourage your doubt Meaning. Surround yourself with good environments, people that are going to bring you more light, that are going to encourage your change in you, not people that are just going to tell you what you want to hear and what’s popular for you to keep your friendship or whatever. No, have people around you that actually want to be around you. They want what’s best for you, they have your best interest at heart and they keep them up front and center. There’s no negativity there, right? Make sure your environments are solid and secure.
Speaker 2:
On the mindset side of things, it really is important for you to kind of take a couple of days to take an inventory of your thoughts, because your conscious ability of your mind, which is where your thoughts and your choices and attitudes reside, is powerful and can help you in these changes. And they can help you in these changes and I highly encourage you to push past that doubt and the deception that will likely happen as you start to incorporate change in your life. It’ll happen like a week, two weeks in, and it happens across the board. So it could look something like this Sylvia, what were you thinking? What were you thinking? How could you think that you could go through therapy and uncover all these things? It’s just too much work to quit. Why are you here Like mocking you, taunting you to get out of there? Don’t listen. Do not listen.
Speaker 2:
Push back and say I’m the boss and I want this, because this is more important to me. Keep the purpose of why you’re doing this change up front and center. In my case, it was I wanted to parent from a healing space. I love my child. I love my children and I will do anything to parent them in a way that it’s going to make them more successful than I ever was. So it’s it’s understanding why you’re doing these changes and push back, and push back really hard, don’t let your mind believe you. It will trust me.
Speaker 2:
And lastly, what I want to say as I sign off today is this no matter what you’re going through, no matter how dark it is, he’s where the joy is, he is where the light is. Listen to him, ask him and then patiently wait for his answer. And when he does answer, you act. Whether you see the path before you or not, remember when you seek the Lord with all your heart, you will find him. He’s always there and he’s never abandoned you and he will always be there for you, like he’s been there for me. And now I can see myself having compassion and actually forgetting my bullies. And oh my gosh, it feels amazing, feels so amazing and I want that for you. I want this joy for you. I hope this message has brought value to you. If you find value in this message, please, please subscribe to Release Doubt Reveal Purpose and please leave a review. I’d be honored if you would have a wonderful week, stay safe, love y’all. Bye now.
Speaker 1:
So that’s it for today’s episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose. Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself. Be sure to head on over to ReleasedOutRevealPurposePodcastcom and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift and join us on the next episode.