Licensed professional counselor associate Capri Richardson joins us to share her inspiring journey from athlete and coach to founder of First Contact Athletic Counseling. Listeners will gain valuable insights into the mental health challenges athletes face, especially in a world increasingly dominated by social media and the lingering impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic. Capri’s serendipitous connection with host Sylvia Worsham underscores the importance of following life’s pivotal moments that guide us toward fulfilling our true purpose.
Throughout this episode, Capri sheds light on the unseen struggles that athletes, coaches, and their families endure, such as anxiety, depression, and trauma. Drawing from her personal experiences, she emphasizes the role of therapy as a vital component in uncovering and addressing these issues. Misconceptions about therapy are dismantled as we explore the creation of safe, nonjudgmental spaces that foster positive change and growth in the athletic community.
We’ll also explore the complexities of providing tailored, holistic therapeutic support to athletes, focusing on performance anxiety and the ethical responsibilities of mental health professionals. Capri discusses the significance of comprehensive assessments and structured treatment plans, along with the impact of parental pressure on young athletes. The episode concludes with practical strategies for parents to better support their children, paving the way for balanced, confident growth amidst the challenges of adolescence.
Transcript:
Speaker 1:
If you’ve ever struggled with fear, doubt or worry and wondering what your true purpose was all about, then this podcast is for you. In this show, your host, sylvia Worsham, will interview elite experts and ordinary people that have created extraordinary lives. So here’s your host, sylvia Worsham.
Speaker 2:
Hey Lightbringers. It’s Sylvia Worsham. Welcome to Released Out Revealed Purpose. And today is Capri Richardson.
Speaker 2:
Now, the funny way she and I met it’s really quite comical. I was coming back to Austin from being in the Valley and we stopped off in Houston, I believe, and this is like late at night. It’s like the last flight out and we’re the second to last flight out. The other one was going to be super late and in walks, this beautiful woman, and first I have this guy sitting next to me. They call him off the chair and then they sit her next to me and then they take her off the flight and finally she gets back on and she sits right next to me. They call them off the chair and then they sit her next to me and then they take her off the flight and finally she gets back on and she sits right next to me. And I think to myself this is like this is not coincidental at all at all.
Speaker 2:
And we start talking and I realized she’s a therapist and we have this really interesting conversation of, like therapy versus coaching and, when it’s appropriate, like life coaching, right, because there’s a big debate on that, like and we start talking about anxiety, because that’s what she does. She. She works with athletes that have performance issues and, and and helps them with their anxiety and their performance, and I thought that was so cool and I thought you know what. It would be awesome to invite her to the released out reveal purpose podcast, because this is a very interesting conversation to have like someone who is actively doing this and actively working with athletes that have performance issues, and we all know at least one athlete that probably has performance issues that could probably could use a little bit of help in that arena and and. So then you can reach out to Capri, who lives here locally in Austin, texas, and, without further ado, welcome Capri. Thanks so much for joining us.
Speaker 3:
Hi, Sylvia, Thanks for having me. And yes, quite the story. It still brings back really fond but also really really goofy memories of how that even just happened, but I’m so glad that it did.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I’m so glad we actually hooked up in person, because then, lo and behold, I get this like random text from you. It’s like it wasn’t random because we said we were going to meet up, but I, you know you always people always say that and have the greatest intent and then it never happens. So when you said yes to that, I was like, oh, this is awesome, yes, let’s do it. And we did. We were able to meet up here in Austin, texas, face to face, and we had even a much better conversation and I thought, yes, this is someone I want to get to know better and really understand how she landed where she landed. And so, without you know, kind of further ado, I’d love for you to step into this space, let us get to know you a little bit better. Like, what is it that you do? How did you land in this role, and is this really your divine purpose?
Speaker 3:
Yes, ma’am. So yes, I am a licensed professional counselor associate and under supervision counselor associate and under his supervision, and I have stepped into the role of being a counselor for all things athletics, so that is, athletes, coaches and the families that support both of them. It’s really been a long trek to eventually get to this space, but in the meantime I’ve found a way to begin my own private practice called First Contact Athletic Counseling, where I get to not only see that population virtually and that’s how I hold my office, if you will but I also contract out to work with other organizations who may not have the tools and the resources for their athletic community.
Speaker 3:
So that can look like working with high schools, that can be college programs. I’ve also done some work with some other like national organizations. So just really, really ultimately trying to get the word out on athletic mental health is a need and it’s really easy to assume that they have everything they need but not quite so that’s been a huge purpose of mine and I feel like I have stepped into that. I know I’m still young, but I do feel, compared to all of the other things that I’ve done in life, this has been something that has just felt like a godsend for me and every time I get to open up my laptop and see the people that I work with, I feel enlightened, I feel grateful, I just feel blessed being able to do the work that I do.
Speaker 2:
I love that because, you know, not all of us can say that. Not all of us can say that Honestly, like just last week, I interviewed somebody that talked about being in the safer route longer than usual, and so tell us how you truly landed here. Was there a personal experience that you had with someone or with yourself that led you to this purpose that you’re currently living?
Speaker 3:
Yes, Short form.
Speaker 3:
I met I was still in grad school, getting my counseling degree, and I went to a random conference that I volunteered at because I was like well, I need hours anyways and it’d be cool to go to my first official counseling conference specifically for marriage and family therapy, and at that time I was an individual therapist, still am, but I view everything in systems, hence why I like to see the full athletic population. But I went to this conference and I saw somebody with a Baylor athletics shirt on you know, you can tell when people have college gear on versus when they have the athletic program on. And I walk up to him and I ask him I was like do you work for Baylor, like Baylor athletics? And he was like yes, and clearly most people at that conference are counselors. So I’m like wait a minute, how do you fit into this puzzle?
Speaker 3:
And we start to speak on how he sees athletes specifically in the athletic department who come to him about all sorts of issues and transition issues and how he has kind of he was a part of building that program to bring athletics a counseling department, versus the athletes going out into the community or onto campus looking for services where those services are far and few between and most times they can’t handle the regular, you know, student population plus athletics, especially with the crazy schedules, and athletics is usually in their own corridor of campus anyways. And so I was like wow, that is quite the concept. And from there we began talking. I was coaching club volleyball at that time and he was like, well, let me know if you ever need anything.
Speaker 3:
And I was like, you know, when people sometimes say like yeah okay and, before I knew it, my, in our clinical program you have to get 600 clinical hours before you can graduate, and that’s not even talking about the post-grad hours you have to get. But that’s neither here nor there at this moment in time. And I was towards the end of that and I had an opportunity to see athletes and that fell through a month before I had to start my internship my last one in order for me to graduate and I was like, oh my God, what am I going to do? This is crazy. Like I did, I planned for so long that this was the way that it was going to work and we all know when we plan, god laughs right.
Speaker 3:
And I was like, oh my gosh, I’m freaking out, I’m not about to graduate on time. And I was like you know what, let me call this man up and see what’s going on. And hopefully I didn’t miss my train. And, sure enough, they actually just had their lead director leave to go to another program, maybe a month ago, and he was like, actually we could create the program or the position for you so that we have somebody else who is seeing the athletes and you can get your hours. And I was like, oh my goodness, thank you, god, thank you. So I was able to do that at Baylor Athletics to finish out my internship, get my hours, see the athletes graduate on time, all that. But in the process it just really ignited and I mean ignited a fire for me to continue this work. It wasn’t just some layover, like I just need to graduate, it was. This is what I was meant to do because of the past experiences I’ve had.
Speaker 2:
You know you’re right, god does laugh, doesn’t he Like? When we have plans, he’s just like, yeah, that’s not lining up. And it’s that one moment where things fall through and you feel like your life is like caving in on you, because you’re like, oh my gosh, I worked so hard for this one moment and now it’s like not happening, right. It kind of brings me back to a time at Pfizer, my very first like lost promotion, and I had worked so hard to get that promotion and when it fell through, I was like, what am I doing here? I am, I really meant to be here and I wanted to leave pfizer because I felt so betrayed and a little voice inside of me said stay, just stay, I have something more in store for you. And and this is god’s plan, like it, it encompasses, like our own understanding. We don’t understand what’s happening. I bet you didn’t understand until you had that that voice. Did you hear a voice that said pick up the phone and call this dude.
Speaker 3:
I sure did. I sure did, and, just like you were mentioning, there’s there, there’s our voice, the one that’s doing the questioning and clouding judgment and getting in the way, even the little voice that we maybe should be listening to a little bit, you know. So I did hear, I was like you know what he? He said it and I have to go out on a whim and call and ask.
Speaker 2:
And sure enough, he was there without fail because what what happens is, a lot of people are so afraid of even that phone call because of what they might say. But the truth is, if you don’t ask you, don’t get.
Speaker 2:
It’s simple. It’s like a, you know, I remember like being a little bit nervous asking you and a couple of ladies like to be part of my advanced readers, for In Faith I Thrive. And even my pastor’s wife, like I was like so afraid to ask her because I mean, the whole title of it is faith and God’s plan. Who better than churches right To have this book around? And I was so terrified. But then I was like I remember telling myself you are a salesperson, so look at how God has equipped you for this moment in time, right, so it’s going back and saying how has he equipped me to make that phone call to ask that person? And no matter what they say, you push through and stay and stayed obedient to that voice. And he, he’s a just God, he knows it, you know everything, you take into account. So so now, how many years has it been since the Baylor phone call?
Speaker 3:
It was a year, this past summer, and now Baylor is actually one of the companies that I contract with. They requested that I come back and continue to do the work with the athletes in the program.
Speaker 2:
And you’re probably living out your purpose. Do you think this is a seasonal thing for you? Do you think this is your divine purpose?
Speaker 3:
Oh no, this is not seasonal. If anything, this is just the season of beginning into whatever the full picture of this purpose is going to be, but it definitely feels like a beginning to the greater purpose. I mean, this is the greater purpose, but it’s just the start. So I’m excited to continue being open and present to the pathway forward and seeing what that could look like in a year, five years, 10. I’m excited for it.
Speaker 2:
So tell us a little bit more about your work, because I do think this is a really interesting topic Anxiety, you know, anxiety made major headlines, like after COVID hit, because lots of kids started to have anxiety, and more so in your, in your field. We have athletes and there’s a lot of parents that listen, tune in sometimes to these podcasts and they want to know, like, how can I help my children through that season of anxiety and performance anxiety? I mean we had, like one of the biggest gymnasts in the world that had anxiety and dropped out you, I mean we had like one of the biggest gymnasts in the world that had anxiety and dropped out, you know and to take care of her mental health. Can you speak a little bit more about the kind of work you do and how you do help these athletes out?
Speaker 3:
I can, yes, and really this story kind of goes back to my own beginnings I even though I did find that you know the person at the counseling conference.
Speaker 3:
I was an athlete myself.
Speaker 3:
I was an athlete in high school. I played volleyball there. I played volleyball in college. I played volleyball professionally. I coached it at various levels collegiate and club and so that was a major driver into, sure, getting to this, to this position in life, but, more importantly, understanding, understanding different facets that go into being an athlete and go into being a coach or just within administration in general in general, and going into it with that in my pocket and then attending my program at the University of Mary Harden, baylor, where we got training from people who are staples in their fields, not just nationally but internationally, and so really being able to kind of tie the two together.
Speaker 3:
Once it came down to working with this population, I felt equipped but still open to learning and all of those things saying that they feel anxious or that they are struggling with their performance, not hitting marks, all of that. We end up actually finding out that there are other things that are at play under the surface. So whether that is, you know, performance anxiety, it was again that’s kind of that door opener for most of them we end up actually finding out that they have maybe generalized anxiety in other areas of their life. It doesn’t just start or stop with sports, and so that is where we actually have to do some other work, some deeper work, so that not only can they perform better that’s great and all but you’re going to be a daughter, a mother, a grandmother longer than you will ever be an athlete, and so if we don’t tackle what’s going on in the outside, then the inside part of being in the sports world it’s for nothing. So I work with athletes that come in with that and come to find out we actually have to treat the depression or the disordered eating or trauma. That’s a huge one that happens with athletes.
Speaker 3:
And then coaches, you know, dealing with the pressures, the burnout that can happen, loss of relationships there are a lot of coaches. You know that’s a job, that there are no set amount of hours, and if you’re not being wise with how you set out your time with your spouse or partner, then that can take a heavy toll and then you end up lonely. Coaching can be a very lonely profession if not attended to the families right, families who are trying to support someone in athletics, feeling like if they weren’t within it themselves. Then they just feel like I don’t understand why this thing takes precedence over me at times, or there can be feelings of I was an athlete myself. I do see a lot of that where parents were athletes and not understanding fully what is going on with their youth or their child, because we live in different times.
Speaker 3:
Like you mentioned you talked about COVID already. That’s huge. That took away so many opportunities for them to socially learn, to improve in their sport in some way shape or form, like some of those key developmental years of when they could touch a ball or, you know, kick one or whatever. They missed out on that. And so a lot of, a lot of the times we’re casting these, you know, these preconceived notions or judgments even onto our youth and they are feeling lost. They’re like, well, I feel like I’m being judged and I should do this and I should do that, when in actuality, no one has lived the life that they have lived.
Speaker 3:
I didn’t go through COVID when I was their age, I didn’t go through social media. When I was their age, so we have to look at them differently. And then I work with parents and coach them on how the skills that we’re working on in session with their kids, giving that to them because they’re going to see you way more than they will ever see me.
Speaker 2:
So that is some of the work that I do, yeah, and you know you bring up amazing points, like I like that you take the whole approach. That is not just the performance aspect, because it sometimes goes deeper than that. That’s just the like, the surface of what we can see, sometimes right, like that’s what has surfaced and we we think it’s only that. But then when you start to take a deeper dive, you realize that this is something, like you said, trauma at times will be the root cause of why they’re anxious in the first place. Could relate to that, because trauma, even though it’s hidden, buried deep inside of our subconscious, will show itself. It’ll be projected in different ways. We just don’t realize that it’s stemming from that root cause until we get therapy right.
Speaker 2:
I myself have joined the. I’ve just finished a podcast episode where I talked about how I started individual therapy this week and it felt so good because there are elements that I know are projecting into my relationships and I want to understand where it’s coming from so I can I can shift it right, because sometimes just a minor shift, it’s not this. So I can shift it right, because sometimes it’s just a minor shift, it’s not this major overhaul. I think most people tell me more about therapy, because sometimes people kind of shy away from therapy, don’t they?
Speaker 3:
Oh, yes, they do. It unfortunately has been made to be this scary, overly intimate experience, and I blame pop culture for that, sometimes even social media for that, but at the same time it is still getting the word out. We just have to be either better educated or better educators at that of what it is.
Speaker 3:
And so therapy is an opportunity really for you to be in a nonjudgmental, confidential space with somebody who isn’t, you know, as removed from your life, but you get to tell the story while this other person is.
Speaker 3:
You know, collecting these is collecting this information so that we can create a bigger picture for you to then go down this road of processing what has brought you into the room and what is going to help you take whatever we discuss out of the room, because if it just stays here in our session, then we’re not doing the work, we’re having a venting session at that point because we’re not putting in the work outside of the room. So within that process it can get really deep and sometimes uncomfortable and sometimes it can feel scary even at times. But when you have someone who’s clinically trained to support you through all of the different ways of therapy, there are times where we we will crack up. You’re like, nah, you know you’re wrong for that. You know, or you know just just being able to provide space that that that person can feel a hundred percent them, because if they don’t, then you’re holding back information, you’re holding back feelings and you can’t get any work done with that.
Speaker 3:
So really it is a space for you to work through any problems or any issues, and sometimes even just like life instances, about I don’t know if I should take this new job or not, or I’m going through some things with my partner, and it doesn’t have to be like abusive, and that’s the other misconception about therapy is that it?
Speaker 3:
has to be this huge thing, like things have to be so bad for me to even begin the therapeutic process, and that’s not true. That’s not true. It doesn’t have to be this. You know, deep, deep, deep thing, all the time.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I I agree with you there because I, you know, when I sat across my therapist yesterday I said you know, I’ve always been a big proponent of therapy. We all could use a little therapy. It’s not only when you are going through major things, although usually that’s when people think of therapy right, because you guys are trained in emdr, and usually that’s when people think of therapy right because you guys are trained in EMDR, and so that’s like the rapid eye movement and I remember that therapy very well because I actually participated in that years ago and to kind of remove our the blockage. There was a blockage, we I couldn’t get past a certain point in the trauma, and so that was used to kind of just get me to open up and just the repetitive nature of it. Eventually something broke through and there was this major breakthrough and then you finally understand why you’ve been acting a certain way. And once you see the truth of it, then you’re like oh, this is easy, I can shift this. And then you take the goal of like. You’re like oh, this is easy, I can ship this, you know. And then you take the goal of like okay, no big deal. But it’s the process of like facing. I think that scares most people and but the man, the beauty of it, like the breakthrough of it, it’s amazing what you can do with those, with those breakthroughs, you can heal parts of. Like.
Speaker 2:
I was able to forgive my dad before he passed away.
Speaker 2:
And there’s, you know, and I know you know this, because as I was flying back up from the Valley, I had just seen him and he had been in the ICU.
Speaker 2:
And had I not gone through therapy, had I not done the work, I would be in a space of a pound of regret and guilt and shame, would be in a space of a kind of regret and guilt and shame really, and and that’s a very bad spot to land in, because this person’s gone now and you can’t resolve anything.
Speaker 2:
But I was so blessed that I was able to clear and then take the necessary steps, like you were talking about. Like it doesn’t matter if you just vent in there, that’s great, but now it’s like okay, what are you going to do with this information? How are you going to do with this information? How are you going to act on it? So kind of guide us through, like some of the the what are some of the goals, like if I’m, because I don’t know anything about performance anxiety I I was a an athlete myself, but I remember having anxiety as it came to my performance kind of walk us through like what that looks like. Paint us a picture, if you will, of what these athletes are coming in with and how you know what steps have you kind of guided them through?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, thank you for sharing that, by the way, and my deepest condolences for your father. But when we get into into that space of someone comes in and discusses, you know I have performance anxiety. I will take them at that because I have to meet them where they are. I can’t be like the second session actually is not. That is this, and now we need to face it.
Speaker 3:
That does not work. That is the quickest way for people to run away from engaging into any more therapy. So when someone does come in that way, I will, you know, gather as much information as I can. I do kind of like a biopsychosocial assessment for that initial one, and if we’re talking about minors, for example, I will just have a session where it’s just the parents or the caregivers. That way we can get like a full overview of what the issue may be.
Speaker 3:
And then sometimes you know, kids, they, they, you know, have a very, very like small view of maybe what the problem is or the issues are. So it’s helpful to also give parents view too. And so after that I will then have a meeting with just the child, and that’s where we also kind of do similar assessment. But obviously I don’t have to ask all the same questions, but it’s really getting their view, because I want to provide that child autonomy, because a lot of times too, kids don’t, they don’t feel like they have control, right. That’s like kind of an innate aspect of being a kid under your caregiver’s care. And so then from there we continue to just gather and gather, still engaging in short term goals or coping skills and learning new things while in that process of building our relationship, and then from there, that’s when the work really starts happening. Once we have a full overview of what the real thing is, it could still end up just being performance anxiety or anxiety in general, and then it’s addressing that.
Speaker 3:
And then of course, other times it goes a little bit more beyond and that’s where it’s like okay, well, now that we’ve addressed what this is, let’s do the work. And that can look like implementing different therapeutic theories. I for one am a huge proponent of gestalt therapy, existential, cognitive, behavioral therapies the list can go on, but those are usually the main ones. But from there, if it works with one client, it’s not always going to work with another, so you have to tailor your approach and then within that, there are a bunch of different techniques and interventions that I will use, and even sometimes further assessments throughout so that we can gauge progress.
Speaker 3:
We create a full treatment plan because I think a lot of people assume that therapy is just this kind of woo-woo, non-scientific, even way of solving problems and it can feel like that could be a barrier for people to feel like, oh, is this worth my time and money? And it’s like, no, there’s an actual treatment plan, just like when you go to a doctor, we’re not just going all loosey goosey, there’s a plan. So as we go through that, then we kind of get towards some breakthroughs, hopefully, if not, and say it’s not a good fit. Breakthroughs, hopefully, if not, and say it’s not a good fit, then it’s our ethical duty, like we’re, with the license that we do have. We do have an ethics board, which also helps keep us in line so that we can keep you safe as the consumer and the client. And if we’re not abiding by that, then you know, other things can happen.
Speaker 3:
So it’s my ethical duty, if, if things are not working out, to provide referrals versus just being like all right, well then see ya. So that way you have support and resources, whether this works or does not work wow, it’s very thorough.
Speaker 2:
It sounds extremely thorough and I’m glad that you guys have a governing board that kind of keeps you all accountable on what it is that that is the expectation, well, the expectation of like therapy, right? So that’s awesome, that that you work with these individuals and that. I love the holistic approach, because sometimes when you just deal with one element of it, you realize you’re missing other pieces, like the parents. You’re right, they’re going to be parents one day. These kids, they’re going to be mothers and grandmothers and those roles are going to play an enormous role. So if generalized anxiety is really what’s going on and you are addressing it holistically and then adding the different elements of bringing the parents and bringing the caretakers and the families, that adds a different element.
Speaker 2:
Sometimes you find that parents are the ones pressuring these kids, you know, to perform at very high levels because they themselves could not perform. So they’re kind of living out their dreams with their kiddos. I did see that a lot when I would coach tennis, you know, and they would put so much pressure on these kids and I remember they would sit on the sidelines and they would demand like, no, no, no, my kid needs to play singles. And I’m like but your kid doesn’t like playing singles Like, your kid likes playing doubles. Like why are you? The fact that they even want to play is a plus, you know, let alone, but you always find how parents are trying to direct. I’m sure this is a big part of why you take on the holistic approach. You probably have seen this too, haven’t you?
Speaker 3:
Oh yes, and this isn’t to give parents a bad rap, because, you know, I always come from the belief of they’re doing the best they can with what they have or what they know, and sometimes we intentionally or unintentionally grab habits that may not be conducive for our children from our parents and so we don’t address some of that. I will sometimes provide therapy referrals for parents, not in like a new therapy, but you know, you really do and it’s more it is.
Speaker 3:
You know, sometimes it’s like, oh man, you don’t see it, but I have to also work with the parents of this is what’s happening and this is how sometimes and it’s not intentional how that is affecting your child and let’s talk about why that might be the case for you and so we might get into that I’m not their therapist and they’re aware and get into it and be like I see what’s going on here, Let me provide you some referrals for therapy, or even group parent therapy, depending. It can look so many different ways so that they don’t feel like well geez now I’m the problem one and what can I even do?
Speaker 3:
And I don’t want, I never want my parents to feel or think that way. So we do address that sometimes and then other times it’s just, you know, if anything it’s more, you know, loosening the leash a little bit, like let them have that room to breathe and knowing that it’ll be okay. Because I know this world can seem scary. I do not blame parents for wanting to be, overprotective or have more of a say in their child’s lives than maybe sometimes is necessary. But I 1,000% understand why parents are the way they are.
Speaker 2:
And let me ask you this more of a curious question for me. I have a daughter who is turning 10, and she is a real strong personality. Oh my gosh, holy moly. I just thought to myself how was he like this when I was a kid, like, is this God’s punishment? I don’t know, is this punishment Like? Is this like a lesson learned or what you know? And I guess my question is how? How to influence these children, because they are being brought up in an environment where they’re really I wouldn’t say demanding, but they’re different than the way you and I grew up like, where they’re speaking up and saying what they want and what they’re not willing to tolerate in this day and age. Have you encountered that with your athletes and having some like strife with the parents Because we grew up so differently? How is therapy addressing that? Because that’s got to be a fun way now, right, with society and how it’s shifting.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, now that’s oftentimes in the room and for the kids that do have, you know, some of those stronger or more confident personalities earlier on in life they still, even though they may feel like they have a good grasp of who they are, those developmental years like if you just go by developmental psychology and follow along with the different stages are. Then you realize, okay, they might have somewhat of a grasp, but they haven’t even hit puberty yet, where their hormones will change and their hormones are going to affect their personality and all of the neuroscience that can come behind that too. And so it’s still, you know, not trying to shatter that kid’s confidence at all, no, no, no, but it’s providing support in the new experiences that are going to come their way. We all know, once experiences come into our lives, especially certain ones that stick with us for a while, kids even the ones that are like that still need support, still need help.
Speaker 3:
You know that first time, where they’re like you know I’ve always made all A’s and I’ve always been on the ones team and then something happens and next thing you know they’re like I got my first B or I was asked to only come back on the second team this year, like those can be little micro shatters in their, in their schema or in their self concept, and so even still, those kids need support. And then the parents that support them of understanding like, yes, your, your kid has been quote, unquote, the best at what they did for a while but, also, what are we doing to support them for when, eventually, at some point, they are gonna fall on their face?
Speaker 3:
Because sometimes that’s how life goes and it’s how are we still providing tools for them to just be in the present, versus looking at the outcomes of I’m an all A student, I’m this, I’m so great at my sport? Because those things, no matter who you are, will be short-lived. We can’t operate on that frequency at all times in life or it won’t look the same and we might struggle with looking at other things we possess that give us that similar feeling that’s still fitting with our character I guess what I’m asking is what does that support look like?
Speaker 2:
like? If you were guiding someone like me, like, say, I’m in therapy with you, okay, and you’re saying I’m telling you like I don’t know how to support her because she is someone that thinks she knows it all in mind is already hitting kind of like the puberty. She’s already in that stage and it’s happening earlier now based and I don’t know why it’s happening earlier. But you know, kids are maturing, especially girls are maturing way earlier than when you and I were kids. I mean, you’re much younger than me.
Speaker 2:
I’m in my, I just turned 50 and I remember not like hitting puberty till 13. My daughter’s already there, so there’s a lot of like whoa, this is like happening a little too soon, kind of. Walk me through how can a parent like me support Like what words to use with these children to kind of make them still, support them, but also still guide them? Because we have a different role that we’re playing as parents. We do have that responsibility with them of guiding them to be these better people, right, and then also trying to be loving and understanding kind of. And this is more of a. I’m really curious because I’m in that space and I think I know why God sent you to me today.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, no, I, and I’ll purpose this with right like I. Yes, I’m a therapist, but this will come obviously even better from one’s own individual therapist. But usually what I do in that situation is provide psychoeducation, provide that opportunity for them to understand again that developmental role that the child might be in, but also helping them understand, like you said, ways to communicate with them, because sometimes, like you mentioned, it can feel like I’ve already been talked to this child who feels like they know everything. And how can I still play my role as the parent and not feel like I’ve been relegated to?
Speaker 3:
the annoying older sister or something like that, right? So it’s still how to support them in the emotions that they do have, the ones that you can see, versus, again, those wants to project what what a parent in general means. We all have our own idea of what a parent should, in quotes, look like and be like, but you have to parent to your audience, aka your children, and when we see them go throughout life and they’re successful, they’re doing things great, you’ve had, you’ve had a role in that. So to also have parents feel like, oh, I just don’t know what I’m doing and things are. They didn’t just walk out of your room like all right. So here’s my a report card and here’s my this you helped, you played a huge role in supporting them into becoming the wonderful leader that your daughter is becoming, and so to continue that help providing them again that space to express emotion, versus a lot of parents want to like, pull it out of them.
Speaker 3:
You know that’s the quickest way for them to just shut off. Like, pull it out of them. You know that’s the quickest way for them to just shut off and be like, yeah, I’m not talking to you. And within that, like, there will be times again where they still need you. They need you Even after they are out of your house. They need you. I have some of my college age athletes who I’ll come to a game and they will bring their parents right up to me like, okay, I want you guys to talk because this is my mom and this is my counselor and I’m just like oh, hi, hello, and they’re discussed all the time in session. So for parents out there know that your child still needs you. Even when they act like little stinkers or they’re not willing to open up, they do want your support. It’s just how, in educating parents on how do you provide support, versus feeling like I just got to jump in there and say my piece to parent. Quote unquote.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I think that’s the biggest mistake we make as parents. You know that we you want to like fill them with all this wisdom, like wisdom learned, and I know that that was my father’s way of doing and I remember just sitting there thinking who asked you I didn’t ask for, you know, and I can hear my daughter saying the same thing, like I didn’t ask for this, you know, and she’s nine, I mean like she’s turning 10, going on 20.
Speaker 2:
Like this is like, oh my gosh, and I had to, like sit back and I thought, you know what, I’m just going to give her the space that she’s asking for and I’m going to make my coffee. This was this morning and I’m just going gonna go and start praying and I invited the dog to be with me and as soon as I invited the dog here, she comes. Yes, it’s right next to me and I’m like, okay, now, what do you need for me? Like like I was just there, I hooked you, I kissed you, I asked you like hey, let’s talk, and you’re like no, I just want to read.
Speaker 2:
Okay, it says just giving them. Like what I’m hearing you say is giving them the space until they actually come to you, because the quickest way to kind of I don’t know have kids shut down on you is to start just talking without really getting their kind of permission to do so. It sounds like you know kind of like to do so. It sounds like you know kind of like the boundaries of like respecting their boundaries, like when they have boundaries, kind of respect their boundaries and and just let them come to you for when they need you yeah, yeah and and even more specifically, like you have to have your boundaries respected too.
Speaker 3:
Now, right, like if they’re just popping off, then that’s not okay. And giving them tools of like how both of you can better communicate and respect each other’s boundaries, but inviting them right. Inviting them to do activities. Kids want to be, they want to feel needed, they want to feel like they have a connection with you. All of us do. They just have a funny way of showing it sometimes, but that is what they want from you. They want that nonjudgmental openness. So it’s sometimes it’s just like you were doing, just praying, and then have the dog come over, and that’s an invitation, even if you did not straight up ask. It’s. This isn’t a solo project, so maybe I’m okay and she did just ask me you know how my day was going, and things like that, so that there are invitations that we can provide, versus saying tell me about school. That may not work for some and it could be more of a like hey you look like you’re a little upset today, if you want to.
Speaker 3:
If you want to talk while we watch you know your favorite show, or I don’t know then let me know I’ll be here. But if you want to take some time, that’s OK too.
Speaker 1:
Like who wouldn’t?
Speaker 3:
be satisfied with that. Who would be like?
Speaker 2:
shut up mom, because you’re not telling her anything, anything. You’re just kind of inviting her and staying open to receive right, receive what, whatever she has on her heart to say. And I kind of somewhat did that. Yesterday. I tried something different. She was, she was complaining about what happened during her day and I went into like corrective mode and then I stopped myself. I was like, don’t do that, because you start correcting, she’s going to shut down. And so I said, hey, come here, come here, let me out. And I hugged her and I said you know, I can understand why you feel that way. And, man, this would be such a hard thing to do every single day, to feel like this, you know. And you could tell she was just kind of like leaning into me and kind of feeling secure.
Speaker 2:
And I think, as parents, we often were so quick to correct because we’re so afraid of making a mistake with our kiddos and that they, you know, we blame ourselves for, for the mistakes they make, and we forget that they’re individuals themselves. You know, they also make choices on a daily basis and all we could do is guide to the best of our knowledge, you know, based on the information we’re getting. And I love this. I love this conversation. It’s really been a fun to a degree. A fun conversation because lots of pros of wisdom have been shared and and I really appreciate is there any last minute tips or advice you want to share with the listeners, to release that reveal purpose?
Speaker 3:
yes, yes, I often in therapy.
Speaker 3:
Right there are moments of your therapist will say hey I have homework for you or I have something for you to ponder. Outside of the room, essentially, it’s not necessarily being like all right, here’s this math homework, I’ll do it. But this homework, if you will, allows you to take what you’ve discussed or learned in session and then find little ways to apply it into your life. I go about life the same exact way. Do your homework out there athletes, parents, coaches and the homework can be being more introspective, being a little bit more self-aware about what you’re feeling in your own body, what you’re feeling maybe amongst other people that you spend a lot of time with and listening even to God, or listening to your own thoughts and feelings, because if we don’t do that homework of actually trying to know our internal selves, then the world around us can feel like chaos very quickly and very easily. So do your homework.
Speaker 2:
Love that, love that, love that. And if I’m an athlete or I’m a parent of an athlete and I want to work with you, how can I contact you?
Speaker 3:
Yes, so I have an Instagram that I’m pretty active on, as well as LinkedIn. My Instagram is at first underscore, contact counseling. I can also be reached at my email, which is capri, at fcacounselingcom. And then I have a website as well, and that one’s kind of long, so that will probably be included in the show notes or something after with everything else me, whether that’s for individual one-on-one services for adults and age and up, that can also be couples counseling. I do that. And then also family therapy, where the whole system is just feeling, you know, at odds and just really needs help. And then, yeah, I also do all sorts of team talks. Even so, like I was saying earlier, going into the high schools and working with teams to make sure that they’re individually taken care of, so that the team can feel supported and taken care of Awesome.
Speaker 2:
Well, thank you so much for joining us on Released Out Revealed Purpose and, for the listeners, remember Matthew 514, be the light, have a wonderful week, stay safe. Love y’all. Bye now.
Speaker 1:
So that’s it for today’s episode of Release Doubt Reveal Purpose. Head on over to iTunes or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show. One lucky listener every single week who posts a review on iTunes will win a chance in the grand prize drawing to win a $25,000 private VIP day with Sylvia Worsham herself. Be sure to head on over to ReleaseDoubtRevealPurpose.com and pick up a free copy of Sylvia’s gift and join us on the next episode.